It kick started with a cruise that included all the food anyone could every dream of. On the week-long cruise I gorged myself with all things imaginable. I would eat every two hours and drank my way between each meal.

After the cruise I came back and tried to reduce portion sizes. It’s been one crash diet after the next. I have the will and motivation for all of two or three days and then something happens and I quit. I even bought an elliptical and put it in my living room so I had no excuses. Getting to the gym would no longer be the issue, all I now have to do is walk to the corner of the room.

Recently I joined Weight Watchers (WW) and bought a few cooking books. I became determined to do this.  With this new outlook and all my resources I set a goal. I started cooking healthy meals and counting points. Two weeks ago I went to the grocery store and cooked multiple meals for the week. The week started off great, I was sticking to the program. WW looked like it could work. Week one, I lost 4 pounds. I was psyched and went into week two full force ahead!

Tuesday morning of weel two I had to go into Seattle for work (I usually work 3 minutes away from my house). I grab my breakfast and I get in my truck and head toward the city. As soon as I get onto the highway I see the trafic. *eff I’m going to be late, I thought. Instead of letting it get to me I decided to turn the radio up and tune out the traffic, I wont let this put me in a bad mood, I’m determined to have a good day. I might be late but that wont get me down, I insisted. So I turn the dial on the radio and start singing along at the top of my lungs. Not even a minute into the song traffic slows and I stop behind all the cars on the highway. I glance in my review mirror and notice a black blur coming up behind me at a startling rate and realize it isn’t slowing. BAM! the BMW suv smashed into me with such force it actually moved my large Dadge Ram Quad-cab truck into the vehicle infront of me.

I didn’t know at the time how much that 1 minute would change the way things were going. The status of my truck and health created a magnificent amount of stress. The accident hurt my back pretty badly. I’m now going to the chiropractor 3 times a week along with massages. The massages sound nicer than they are… I’m not able to exercise like my plan included. Half my strategy to lose weight, gone. With all this added stress I’ve been stress eating to no end, there went the diet.

While we’re at it and getting everything out on the table, let me get my last excuse out. Money. I’m poor as crap! I have no money to be spending on all these healthy products. But that’s not a good excuse. I’m willing to pay for better health. But I have so much crappy food in my pantry that I don’t want to go spending money on more food when I already have tons… I need to either just start eating what I have until my cabinets are cleared or throw it all away. And I can’t be that wasteful to just throw it all out. I need to find a way to integrate everything I have in with my new diet. I think it’s possible. I need to focus more on portion sizes and snacks than with cutting out carbs.

So step one for me. Cut down the amount I eat in one sitting. On top of that I need to start eating what I have at home and start taking my lunch rather than going out to eat or finding quick fixes at lunch time. That will save me money and calories.

I need to get out of this pathetic rut and start back on the right path. I’m tired of feeling disgusting.

Through college I seemed to have lost those things. I don’t know if it’s the lack of time and the stress or what, but I really miss them. I want to get back into photography. I’ve got this great digital SLR and I miss using it. It’s just sitting there collecting dust and losing value. What a waste. If I do actually get back into it, I’d like to get some good lenses for it. See these things take time and money. And right now I’ve got ample amount of one and none of the other…. But I’m working on it.

As for scrapbooking, it also takes money. But I really do miss it. I used to dream of opening a business selling the cards I made. They were pretty darn good. I’ve done a few things here and there throughout the past couple years but nothing big or great. Currently I’m working on a book with my mom and we’ll see how that goes. We have some creative differences but I think it will come out nicely.

But the whole point is, I’d really like to take time for myself and do things I truly loved doing. If I find I don’t enjoy them as much as I once did, then oh well. At least I tried. And then I get to start the fun of exploring new things I can enjoy.